Query Letters, Part Tres: Who You Be?

As a responsible WriTeen, I do not use proper outlets for my rebellious hormones and therefore stick to legal ways of trashing the establishment. In a new three-or-four-part series on query letters, here is Part Three first: the bio.

Writing Credentials. Without a doubt, this is the most important part of your bio. Where have you been published? When you start writing, you may not have been published anywhere and that is quite all right. Leave this part out if that's the case.

If you have been published, list fiction credentials for fiction queries and non-fic for non-fic. If you've been published 20+ times, pick the 6 biggest and most relevant names for your bio. For example:

I have been published more than twenty times, writing for Cusackipity, JohnCusackstan, Say Cusack-Thing, The Other Cusack, Martian Cusack and Cusack Life the John Way.

Other "Professional" Credentials. This applies to non-fic queries. If you're writing a doggie article, what is your experience with dogs? Do you write a doggie blog with good traffic? Have you been a dog walker for 5+ years? How much money have you made from dog grooming?

I also run the Cusack fan site, Where's John Now?, which receives 1.6 billion hits per day and was featured on Oprah. Entertainment Weekly called me the greatest living expert on this great actor, and said I probably "knew more about John than he did."

Tasteful, Funny Add-ons. Be careful. This is appropriate only if you can pull it off. You can add "extra" things if it's relevant, humorous and shows off your writing panache. Otherwise, stick to your big guns.

I have met John a total of one time, in which he stared at me and then asked me for a drink of water. I still have the cup.

If anyone actually is interested in learning more about John Cusack, please see Say Anything. It will break your heart and then mend it again. Sigh.