Monday, July 14, 2008

An Open Letter to Stephenie Meyer

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

Hello. I love your books. I first discovered them when I bowed to peer pressure and read Twilight and New Moon on Easter weekend. When Eclipse came out, I was in a town with only one bookstore, yet my friend and I walked into town for three nights straight to see if the bookstore had any copies left. And now it's time for Breaking Dawn.

Because BD is being released, you will be participating in lots of interviews. A common interview question is "What are your favorite books?" Listen, Stephenie. There are some books you must not mention at all costs. If you do, I will despair of Bella and Edward's eternal happiness and moan about it for the rest of my life. Below are the list of unacceptable books to even think about:

Jacob Have I Loved (self-explanatory)
Blood and Chocolate
Romeo and Juliet
Becca's Story (ends up with normal friend instead of dashing boy)
Wuthering Heights (because they BOTH DIE.)
Legally Blonde (yes, it's a movie, but Elle ends up with nice boy instead of dashing boy. Bad example.)
Fantastic Four (same problem.)

Acceptable books, on the other hand, are:

Mansfield Park (Edward! okay, Edmund, but darn close)
Sense and Sensibility (Edward!)
The Chronicles of Narnia (Edward/Edmund!)
Jane Eyre (Edward! and they defeat all odds to find each other and perennial happiness and babies)
Every fairy tale in existence

Or, to be more general, avoid ANY book featuring a girl character who becomes stronger after losing her boyfriend, or marries her best friend instead of the dashing rogue, or in any way does not end up with the Obvious Love of Her Life. Promote EVERY book that has a girl turning into a vampire and living happily with her prince forever more. I am throwing all of my feminist principles out the window when it comes to your books. They must survive together at all costs! And it's even better if Jacob dies. Just a thought.

Thanks, Stephenie. You rock. And if you ever have time to do an interview here, I could probably squeeze you in.

Gabrielle Linnell

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