Notes as the WriTeens Prepare to Do SATs

While writing your essay...

Average about five examples per paragraph.

These examples must be pink Kool-Aid (generic brand) examples. That is, description! Brand name! Secondary color! The College Board people love these examples.

Pretend to be a high-achieving student, even if you aren't one. The perfectionism essays always go over big.

Use the word "you" as little as possible (except in quotations by marvelous, educated people.)

Bull as much as you have to. They are not fact-checking, they are spell-checking. This means that you can pondiferate on the neo-classical themes of the no.2 hit band PolKast ("My love/ like a lullaby /drifts away") even though there is no such band as PolKast.

Note: few, if any, of these tips apply in real life freelancing. In fact, never apply this to freelancing. You will be hunted down and tied to an non-politically correct totem pole.