Bombs of the Alphabetical Variety

I'm trashing any normal schedule for this week as PSATs have screwed up school and even though I'm exempt (seniors!) they're bugging me.

Bad Language

*%$$ is how it normally appears in cartoons. In one horrible 80s mystery, the girl's mother said h--- all the time. No, really. H---. With dashes.

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For the responsible teenager (and many of us are that), the whole writing-bad-language-in-your-fiction can be a bit of a dilemma. Adults have an even bigger problem with it. I was at one writers' group meeting when the mom-aged writers were complaining about the crudeness of YA fiction and how shocked they were to see the f-bomb in a novel for teens. I didn't say anything but I was thinking You are shocked because...?

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Look. I don't condone cursing; it's a bad habit that I and my friends pick up (and try to control) because of culture, because we're pissed off, because we're immature, for whatever reason. But for me, swear words in literature and swear words in real life are different.

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You are a writer. Writers imagine worlds and write their stories true to that world. The most mild-mannered British grandmother will unleash the coarsest of words, if she's writing about the Boston drug world, because that is what her characters will do. Do your characters make mistakes? (I hope they do, or your book will be really boring; see Elsie Dinsmore) Are there murderers in your books? Are there villains? Sure. Does that make you a villain? No. Though you might be.

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I try to talk clean. My book opens with a beep-out word. How is this? I'm writing about the overachieving American high school crowd, the same group of people I see five days a week. And part of writing about them is being true to the way they speak, and they speak badly. If I had all my characters say Goshdarnit! every time they got stabbed in the back, this would be an unrealistic and boring book.

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Banned Book Week (last week!) celebrates the fact that fiction often expresses an ugly side of life, scenarios or characters or words that are not age-appropriate and will never be age-appropriate, yet life is many times inappropriate. If you want to clean up the world, clean it: but let the writers-- and yourself-- depict the world as they hear it.

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Goshdarnit, we are totally off track.

Query Letters, Part Tres: Who You Be?

As a responsible WriTeen, I do not use proper outlets for my rebellious hormones and therefore stick to legal ways of trashing the establishment. In a new three-or-four-part series on query letters, here is Part Three first: the bio.

Writing Credentials. Without a doubt, this is the most important part of your bio. Where have you been published? When you start writing, you may not have been published anywhere and that is quite all right. Leave this part out if that's the case.

If you have been published, list fiction credentials for fiction queries and non-fic for non-fic. If you've been published 20+ times, pick the 6 biggest and most relevant names for your bio. For example:

I have been published more than twenty times, writing for Cusackipity, JohnCusackstan, Say Cusack-Thing, The Other Cusack, Martian Cusack and Cusack Life the John Way.

Other "Professional" Credentials. This applies to non-fic queries. If you're writing a doggie article, what is your experience with dogs? Do you write a doggie blog with good traffic? Have you been a dog walker for 5+ years? How much money have you made from dog grooming?

I also run the Cusack fan site, Where's John Now?, which receives 1.6 billion hits per day and was featured on Oprah. Entertainment Weekly called me the greatest living expert on this great actor, and said I probably "knew more about John than he did."

Tasteful, Funny Add-ons. Be careful. This is appropriate only if you can pull it off. You can add "extra" things if it's relevant, humorous and shows off your writing panache. Otherwise, stick to your big guns.

I have met John a total of one time, in which he stared at me and then asked me for a drink of water. I still have the cup.

If anyone actually is interested in learning more about John Cusack, please see Say Anything. It will break your heart and then mend it again. Sigh.

Go Out for Drama

(If You Want to Write...)

Go out for drama.

I've been involved in theater since elementary school. I've been in Robin Hood, Godspell, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, Guys & Dolls and about ten times as many drama classes have detracted from my academics. I love Broadway music and still mournfully listen to Children of Eden once a year, the show that was cancelled.

"I'm not a great actor/tress!" you cry.

Exactly.

I have never gotten a lead role in a play. Ever. I have never sung a solo on stage. Why? Not to be a conspiracy theorist, but I'm not that hot of an actress and directors can tell. I'm loud, but that doesn't make me good. I can critique theater but can't perform it.

This self-revelation was not delivered by hand. No, instead I had years of rejections. My first heartbreak was getting the part of Agnes in Guys & Dolls (who is she? My point.) I have been rejected so many times that now, rejection is second nature. Rejection doesn't scare me, so I have the blunted guts to keep trying.

If you go out for drama- especially if you're horrible- you will pee your pants with fright. You'll get your hopes knocked around and eventually settle into a state of I'm-going-to-try-or-else. And THAT, my friends, is the moment you get published.

Know What an Editor's Job Is

(If You Want to Write...)

Do you know what an editor does?

The class clown now raises her hand and says, "Edit." Very good, clown. But do you? If you want to write and be published, you will work with editors the way athletes work with coaches. But if you don't know what an editor does, your relationships will never work very well. Class clown, please pay attention.

Editors acquire stuff. Part of their job is to read submissions from people like you and decide whether they are well written and whether they will be interesting to their readers.

Editors make stuff better. A good editor will change up your article, essay or short story to improve it. Expect changes, and even ask for them if it's appropriate.

Editors are kind of unloved. Everybody loves them because of what they can get out of them, and few love editors for themselves. When you work with editors, be polite. Be gracious (but not pushover-y.) If you bond so well with your editor, a Christmas card is not inappropriate.

Read Moonrat over at www.editorialass.blogspot.com and Evil Editor at www.evileditor.blogspot.com. I haven't been able to find a magazine editor who blogs, but if you find them, read them. Know what an editor does, so that you can do what writers do.

Read while You Write, Don't Read while You Write

(If You Want to Write...)

I've heard weird opinions on this topic of reading while writing books. The weirdest opinion is that one should not read books while writing. This makes no sense. Writing a book takes at the very least six months, and sometimes years. Nobody should keep from reading that long!

Another opinion is that writers should not read the genre that they are writing in. This is a little more reasonable, but I love YA. That's why I write YA! Now I have to give up YA too?

I tell you: Read while you write. But with a codicil. Read any genre that you want, but stay away from similar themed books. If you're writing romance, romance is a HUGE genre and you shouldn't have any problems. But if your masterpiece in progress is a tale of the Scottish highland lord, don't read any romances about Scots or highlands or lords.

The real issue here is, of course, both unintentional plagiarism and stolen voice. Never place yourself and your reputation in danger of stealing another person's words. A second danger, more fatal in art than in law, is that of unconsciously adopting another person's style. So read while you write, but read judiciously.

I had a hankering to reread Hacking Harvard by Robin Wasserman, a book I've really enjoyed. But I put it down after the first few chapters, because I realized that both Robin and I were/are writing about overachieving American teenagers. Similar themes and topics, but I need to write a unique book. So Hacking Harvard will wait till January, when I write something else. Perhaps about Scottish highland lords.

Do You Physically Love Books?

(If You Want to Write...)

In this day & age where we do much of our reading on a computer and now some of us have e-readers, what's there to a physical book? Is a book in any other form still as sweet?

I've been pondering this as I catalog books for a community service project. These books range from "Harold and the Purple Crayon" to Scooby Doo mysteries and upper level books. The feel of a 300-page middle-grade read surprised me.

I have so many memories-- or one giant blurred memory-- of reading books while in elementary school. Just feeling this particular book made me remember the excitement of starting something new, a good book... the feeling that prompted me and many others to write books of our own.

Remembering this is important. I still read quite a bit now, but often it's a means to an end. King Henry IV for summer work. Under the Tuscan Sky to learn about travel writing. Morgaux with an X because I'm bored. All of these are wonderful pieces of literature, but something is lost when I don't just read to read. Reading is its own reward.

Right! Physicality. I'm pretty anti-progress when it comes to technology (i.e., stubborn, old-fashioned, lazy) but honestly, I love the feel of books. I love that you can hold something abstract.

Other people have been blogging about children's books and the physical love of books: Shannon Hale (www.squeetus.com), Nathan Bransford (www.nathanbransford.blogspot.com) and Jessica Faust (www.bookendslitagency.blogspot.com).

My Bulletin Board, My Best Friend

(If You Want to Write)


The book of the month is The Success Principles for Teens if you haven't noticed. Jack Canfield and Kent Healy emphasize the power of visualization and vision boards. Just like a calendar reminds you of what day it is and what you have going on, a vision board reminds you of what you're aiming for.

After reading their book, I re-organized my hitherto boring bulletin board. I have interviews with famous writers on there, pictures of places I want to go, inspiring quotes as well as papers I don't want to lose and my writing goals and ideas. There's also a picture of me with my cousins and an envelope from one of my favorite colleges.

My board keeps me focused, and according to Canfield and Healy, it will help get me to where I want to go. I am a non-crafty person, but even I could do this. What about you? Anybody have incredible bulletin board ideas?

Save Our Spelling

(If You Want to Write...)

I love emailing with other teen writers (if I didn't, what would I be doing here?) But what breaks my e-heart as I read their questions and suggestions is not their content (which is always good) but their spelling.

Why is this such a big deal? Publishing is a business about words. We string words, make words, invent words, play with words, sell words and buy words. And spelling is as fundamental to good word usage as running is to any sport. Can't run, can't play. Can't spell, can't write.

Now, spelling should never get in the way of a fantastic story; don't stop writing just because "necessity" makes your head spin. But make plans to improve your spelling before you aim for publication. Always use Spell Check and another reader if spelling is a problem.

You can have the greatest idea in the world but if you can't spell, no editor will ever read your stuff. What if Ian McEwan didn't learn how to spell? I wouldn't have just watched the incredible Atonement movie... and realized I missed a huge plot twist when reading the same story...

For the Love of Grace Kelly

(If You Want to Write...)

Watch some good movies, for crying out loud! Great movies almost always feature some spectacular writing. Who knows? Maybe your penchant for dialogue will turn screenwriting on you. Here are some of my faves.

Charlie Bartlett (R)
The Philadelphia Story (NR, MUST SEE)
The Women (Sexist, or nonsexist? NR)
Under the Tuscan Sun (PG13, more for the scenery & emphasis on travel writing)
To Catch a Thief (NR; love, love, love Grace Kelly)
All About Eve (NR; Steve Kugler quotes this one a million times in his book and I had to see what he was talking about... omygosh, so good.)
The Holiday (PG13; best rom-com on earth)
What Women Want (PG13; 2nd best rom-com on earth)
Ladies in Lavender (PG13; is it the writing, or lack thereof?)

ALSO! Kevin Alexander was just blogging over at http://blog.writersdigest.com/writerslife/ about how Mad Men is the best TV show on for writers. I've never seen and am anxiously waiting for the DVD to come out next Tuesday.

AND! Freelance Writing Camp is on hold while I take a day off. Taking a day off of summer, I know, I appreciate the irony. But nevertheless.

The Debatable Usage of Writing Classes

(If You Want to Write...)

My first writing class was divine. Julie Bogart (www.bravewriter.com: highly recommended) was my first teacher in an online class where we read Rudyard Kipling's Just So Stories and then wrote our own story, just so. Mine was How the Cat Got its Paws. We ran through several different printings because I kept changing my pseudonym from Dr. Danielle Lupin (combination of Ever After and Harry Potter) to Danielle Lynel and finally Gabrielle Linnell (real name. Just FYI.) This class, and this teacher, made me write.

My second writing class was not so hot. I was subjected to a writing curriculum called IEL or some form of EVIL, which consisted of repeating other people's words in barf-worthy ways. This did not last long. My third writing class was with other normal human beings. I was in the fourth grade and already I had formed ideas about style and adjectives. I stayed the year, next time I didn't even bother signing up.

There was also the infamous Writing Camp*. I attended it with my cousin (the only redeeming factor) and... well... the teacher told us to use big words (NO! NO!), the teacher did not recognize my genius (BAD! BAD!) and the teacher just loved that annoying Gina who wrote a short Harriet Potter story (PLAGIARISM, ANYBODY?) I mean, how can you call that original? Granted, I was in my poet stage and anything produced by my chubby hand was worth little. But still.

Excepting years of Julie's classes, I haven't taken writing classes since. I love English classes, because it's academic writing and literature discussion. But when it comes to creative writing, I prefer to self-teach. I know my experience is not everyone's. There are many wonderful writing teachers out there, who have shaped artists and given wind to literary wings. I just haven't met too many of them.

What's your opinion? Have you had good luck with writing classes? Are they worth the expense/taxpayer's money?

* This is not to be confused with the utterly fabulous, incredibly useful Freelance Writing Camp which Gabrielle conducts on a one-by-one basis with herself this week. This is the Dreaded Writing Camp with Evil Gina and Big Words. Very different.

If You Want to Write...

Find Other Creatives

Creative people need each other. Your weird way of processing the world can make more sense when you hang out with a teen who paints murals or sings ballads. So find these people! Make friends with your school's drama nerds. Take art classes and draw stick figures so you can appreciate a different medium, and those who are really gifted at it. Artists are symbiotic, we learn from each other.

So nourish your inner artist and be nice to people in smocks.